TAKING THE "GOLDEN" OUT OF THE GLOBES

At the 69th annual Golden Globe's, various female (and male) celebrities selected their wear to depict simple elegance. Yet, some of their choices prove that you can even screw up the simplest of outfits, the simplest of valuable designer gowns. Here's my food for thought.

Charlize Theron usually isn't nominated as a fashion victim in my reviews, or any reviews for that matter. Despite the theory that women with bodies like her's happen to look good in anything (including ketchup?), Charlize only got the top part right. You can still spot a long, lean smidge of her fit leg, but the drapery of the bottom half cuts across mid-thigh (for apparently no reason at all), when it should really just connect or at least flow out with the rest of the gown. No, just eliminate the drapery altogether. The drapery doesn't belong in this gown, especially considering the drapery is literally almost separate from the bottom of the gown altogether.

(As stunning as she is), Evan Rachel Wood somehow pulls off a typically unfavourable mermaid look. The forest green really compliments the glitter and wood-siness mesh appearance of the fabric. However for the rest of Wood's competition, all that glitters isn't "gold"...

Jessica Chastain shouldn't be mistaken for The Help in this shapely yet wholesome white dress. The darker waist cincher and translucent turtleneck really make this decision stand out, but all-dressed-in-white -nd with such a virginal dress length and immaculate neckline (as in no neckline) - can still mesh with the rest in a bridal shop.

Lady in pink? Natalie Portman could've possibly gotten away with this dress, if it weren't for the awkward fabric sticking out at her booty. Wait, is it an optical illusion or the real deal? We'll never know.

Nicole Kidman transforms herself into an Egyptian princess with this intricately patterned criss cross gown. I say Miss Kidman made a smooth transition, a famous yet royal act.

Paula Patton marks the above average, exceeding the usual standard for those of most body types and skin complexions: to look flattering in an unflattering colour. Orange and yellow are both stubborn hues, but Paula manages to pull one of those hues off without looking too "sunny."

Again with the outdoor colours...Sarah Michelle Gellar attempts to emulate the sky in this oversized, strapless flop of blue and white. Unless the purpose of this dress was to to camouflage her bikini-ready bod, then - well - there is no purpose to this dress.