Monday, January 31, 2011


If the same actors religiously kept to their ritual of attending one awards show, you would think they'd get the fashion rules right. Think again. While many of those actresses show the same promise in their exquisite appearances and raw talent as they did at the last red carpet (fashion show) I critiqued, for some, let's just say the 17th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards should be renamed and resaved as the "17th Annual Screen Actors GUILT Awards." Beginning on that note, let's see who should be rewarded - and who should be charged - for their fashionista obligations to the media.

Angie Harmon: Never heard of her until I saw her. And for this being the first time I saw her, it was (fashion" "love at first sight!" This gown can be interpreted either one or both ways: as a baby pink frilly strapless frock-like ball number that compliments her warm olive complexion and toned upper body, or an overly cutesy prom dress from Sesame Street that resembles a Peacock at the bottom. You decide.

Speaking of birds, Claire Danes sports an intricate floral design with a high-cut strapless neckline and a bohemian bottom that flows to floor length. Add a skinny belt to that mix. Is it a cold summer or a warm winter? Do the birds fly south, or do they stay up north? I'm confused :)

Eva Longoria stuns with a (very) low-plunging neckline on an all-white gown that's almost transparent? Not that she needs to hide her famous body, but hey! - modesty is the best policy. Although Eva does keep it simple and sophisticated here - all while looking like a Greek (or Hispanic) goddess - I would have potentially nixed the neckline or brought out the boob tape to fill out the cups more clearly.

Hilary Swank takes the nude without the see-through and opts for an off-the-shoulder with its runched golden lining and a corresponding purse/clutch. Gorgeous.

Sorry, Jane. I love you, but not in this dress! The colour is way too purple, the neckline isn't keen on emphasizing your abundant bosom, and the thick fabric on the bottom just adds ten pounds - in addition to the other ten pounds thanks to the camera lens. Ugh.

It's as if January Jones' luscious hourglass silhouette has been painted into a dress outside of a modern awards show and into a timeless portrait that transcends from the days of great European artists. It's meant to be there.

Bright pink may be my favourite kind of pink, but not on Jennifer Lawrence's dress. The daring cut-out shoulder, neckline, and bottom slit - along with the black skinny belt - belong on a shorter frock (mini or at least above the knee) with a lower-cut v-neck. Sorry, Jennifer. Maybe next time?

While some fashion critics might disagree with me, I am not really fond of Julia Stiles' outfit selection here. The strapless doesn't boost her bust, the waist doesn't accentuate her, well, waist, and the bottom just flops straight down to the bottom. The piece just hangs on her; I applaud her attempt in staying modest, but this dress does not celebrate her assets! The only authentic element about her outfit is the non-drab white contrasting from the drab navy blue. But, really, what does that do? Make it look like a cloud is coming out of her - ? Well, anyway...

Julianna Margulies may play a Good Wife on TV, but if I were her partner, I would tell her to pull a Betty Boop and hike up the skirt! So what if you look like the cartoon? She's an animated sex symbol in her own right, and retro is always in, hun!

Lea Michele (almost?) always looks fab, and this time, there's no exception. Her ample bust fills out - without runnething over - the neckline, while the super-tiny gold belt and iridescent white hot shine create subtle curves. She dazzles like a diamond!

Mila Kunis may be nominated for her headlining roles and exotic beauty, but for this costume-y red-and-black "thing," she doesn't get my vote. Believe me when I say, this dress does not do Mila Kunis justice.

In a midnight blue number that ties at the waist and hugs (and lifts!) her early bloomer curves, Sofia Vergara wins me over on my fashion list - again!

Yes, the truth is gritty. Because she's so young, I'm gunna let her off with a warning. Hell, she can even pass as cute in this. But, really, Hailee Steinfeld? Horizontal stripes, a mermaid's tale? One word: NO.

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