Monday, January 17, 2011


Ahhh, it's that time of year again - for all (mostly female) shining stars to primp, tan, and detox for one of the biggest days of the year or, at least, their acting careers: The Golden Globe awards. While I pay attention to some of their roles on the small and big screens, I don't really care enough to watch an evaluation of their acting abilities on an awards show. However, I will take the time to put my two-cents in on their (some, particularly) choice of wardrobe. Here it is (in alphabetical order):

Ya know, it's funny. Angelina Jolie is probably one of the most iconic actresses in the world, but I've only seen her in maybe one or two movies - all where she cuts someone's head off and still manages to look smoldering while doing so. Other than her full lips and slender figure, that's what adds into her appeal. Here, a (turquoise?) long-sleeved, completely covered yet slinky and glitter-flashy number does the trick, marking her seldom modest style while still flaunting her famous assets. It's safe to say, only Angelina Jolie can pull this off.

Wow, sweater-style gowns must be all the rage (or Angelina Jolie is a trend-setter), at least at the Golden Globes. Morphing from a cute, awkward teen in the Princess Diaries into a stunning, confident swan - an actress who can make us laugh as a phone sex operator in He's Just Not That Into You and dry our tears as Jake Gyllenhaal's love interest with Parkinson's Disease in Love & Other Drugs - Anne Hathaway really did look like (a) Golden (globe) that night. And, again, if anyone can pull off being symbolized and shaped into an award statute, it's Anne!

Carrie Underwood puts her vocal skills aside and tries on her acting chops as a real-life Cinderella. Going from quirky American Idol finalist to one of those few country singers who made it, Carrie is living proof of a rags-to-riches story in this strapless, iridescent, white-silver gown that hits to the ground-breaking and nips at the waist.

Make no mistake: Catherine Zeta-Jones is totally gorgeous, but this - thing - makes her look like an upside down Christmas tree, but with hips, arms, and boobs - ya know? Love the ornaments, er, dangly earrings though.

Emma Stone sports a Scarlett (pink) letter "F" (fashionable, fabulous) in this short-sleeved, creamy pastel pink that thins out throughout the backless cut and flows towards beneath the shoe. As for the blonde 'do? I (not-so) secretly hate it; Emma is truly a redhead at heart.

Eva Longoria may be covered in a colour that rings standard for a funeral, but I promise you this: that dress is way too inappropriately sexy for a funeral. The cleavage alone will stop the foremen dead in their tracks and their Desperate Housewives' green with envy. So, a "Fashion Police" award for this millennial sex symbol? Over Her Dead Body.

I lied. Catherine Zeta-Jones isn't the only one who has been born into nature; this Helena Bonham-Carter person has been sculpted into a forest or garden of flowers. That being said, her waves are as savaged and untamed as a jungle. Helena should groom her beauty more meticulously, next time.

January Jones slips (or squeezes into) a seductive red tight frock that Mad Men is most held prestigious for. But, while the cleavage may be lifted and separated, and the waist may be cinched and defined, I would savour more Mad Men styles, like a pencil skirt, business suit, or perhaps even a corset? Where's Christina Hendricks, when you need her?

Jennifer Lopez shakes her triathlon-toned curves in this immaculately pearl white gown with spaghetti straps, a nipped waist, and a transparent rhinestone-detailed shawl that accentuates her lean shoulders and feminine decolletage. Whether she's the Wedding Planner or the bride, JLo can justify those rumours about her diva-like antics to decorate her room in white, because she just looks so damn good in it!

Jennifer Love Hewitt, on the other hand, has an interesting neckline and jewel-covered belt here that would better compliment another all-white piece.

Jennifer Lawrence is wearing a - what is this? Something with black and white, but doesn't resemble a zebra with tons of frills? What's it called? Anyone?

I love pink, but with the poufed one-shoulder and frumpy fabric Julianne Moore is wearing? Well, that just ruins my love for pink. Sorry :)

Kaley Cuoco has got this Big Bang Theory down. Always wear something bigger under the waist to create an hourglass silhouette. Another simple rule? Always keep it simple. Plain classy.

Lea Michele can belt out her praises to her in-the-know stylist. My fave colour pink is totally the "in" hue of the season, and Lea shows us why, by putting a modern spin to an ancient white Greek Goddess-like shoulder and extending hem.

I remember the days Olivia Wilde played a blonde, blue-eyed gal kissing her on-screen bisexual girlfriend Mischa Barton on The O.C. Now, Olivia is a mature, striking brunette in this prom-like, corresponding brown gown with a glittery top and poufy bottom. As much as the dress matches Olivia's tan, I would've gone with a different colour.

Sandra Bullock may be "single and ready to mingle" riding solo on the red carpet, but she's not dressed the part. Come on, Sandra! Unbutton a few, and show a little leg! And those bangs are hiding your beautiful eyes, windows to the soul! A proposal from Ryan Reynolds might just be coming your way.

Ha, I love how I made this list in alphabetical order. Now, if it isn't Scarlett Johansson reminiscencing in classic Hollywood pin-up glamour with her red lips and nearly nude frock. I think Ryan might go back to Scarlett based on this outfit alone. Sorry, Sandra! Moving on!

Last but not least, Sofia Vergara stops traffic in this redlight-coloured ruffled gown with an exquisite plunging cleavage, functional push-up bra, skinny black belt, and silky smooth texture. Good thing they didn't listen, when you were going through puberty, and you wished you stopped growing? I think you - and most men - would give thanks.

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